2015 Ends with a good note !!!

Hey you my readers, how have been? I hope rocking and enjoying the lil' moments of life. Stay happy :) Can't believe it's been 2 years since I joined the banking job and may be one of the reason i wasn't able to share my thoughts(you know busy me ;) ). Now i finally got the some time to spare for my lovin' and always encouraging readers. I'm myself an avid reader and i really like to finish what i start even if at times it takes decades to get hold of a story and really get indulged into it.Like for instance i borrowed a book from my cousin long time back, when i was still a student, it's the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I started it but never finished, i do want to though, i really do but the thing is i don't get the motivation to. Although the book is great and i watched all the movies so many times but the thing is it's too thick. I even read "The Hobbit" which is like the prequel of the series in between, also i'm tryin to finish Dan Brown's "Deception Point" and "Inferno", i know i know one can't read too many books at a time, and apparently you can see why not. This kind of thing always happens with me, in my mind i create scenarios where i'm a responsible adult and i finish my work efficiently, on time not to mention creatively. But then reality strikes me down and here i am one lazy girl/woman about to do my last weeks chores. So the key point here is one should be actually motivated to do something, be it readin', cookin', writin' etc. let's just say whichever word has -ing in it except for sleepin'. Who doesn't love sleepin', if you ask me i can sleep for 24 hrs straight..

Anyway so i'm one of those people who would make resolutions and forget them as soon as the new year begins, hell i don't even follow it for a day, just for the sake of it. Right now my priority should be to prepare for the upcomin interview which would help me get an upgrade to my job profile. Tell you the truth, i'm not really good at formal talkin', though casually I can talk for hours, days, but that's me bein' friendly. I get really nervous when i have to think before i speak and make sure that the listener is impressed by my speech. To be precise when people say 'be yourself and be confident', i can be either, not both. I need to work on my communication skills but some people are born like that, it's in their nature, right? You know it happens in teenage that you figure this world is so phony and there's no one who understands you or what you're going through. The pressures, the over-thinking that destroys your mind, nobody gets it really, you feel irritated, frustrated and all you want is a lil' peace of mind. Well, i go through that phase sometimes, (teenage in adulthood), you may or may not relate 'cause i don't really talk about this stuff so i hardly know what other people think. Anyway, it makes me sad to see that all my life i stood fearlessly strong, independent, and happy-go-lucky and now negative thoughts cloudin' my mind are goin' to breakdown everythin' i build. Why does one become so emotionally weak that they need to lean on to someone to recover?

Anyway, two good things happen this year, one was an event that i was longin' for sometime now, where i had to act like a responsible adult. Bein' a responsible person is hard, it's a tiresome job, and people countin' on you adds to the pressure. Another good thing that happened was that i got transferred to a better place, i hope this place lasts a bit longer than previous ones. I never liked the previous ones, the reason for that is i didn't like my work there. Now the work is good and so are the people Alhamdulilah. See, one should always take in the positive things in life, even if most of them are not goin' your way. Who cares what happens next when everythin' is pre-written. Being said that, i end this post here with a good note, to keep writin' more frequently in 2016. :)

Floods in Kashmir : a trauma for lifetime !!!

It was raining for a week now in the first week of September 2014. But that's normal as we Kashmiris weren't aware of the consequences that rain water could cause. We were enjoying the rain sitting at home with family as the rain hadn't stopped and the lanes were filled with rain water. After 7 days of continuous rainfall, rainbow showed. We were thrilled to see a ray of hope, clicked pictures but we didn't know what's coming is worse. The water level started to rise, first slow then more. The river Jehlum had begun rising continuously crossing all the past records on the gauge metre. The water in our lanes started rising too even though the rain had already stopped. It couldn't make sense at first but then we came to know that Jehlum had breached. As the water level entered our gates we couldn't stop thinking about what's next. We couldn't sleep whole night and the next day early morning I could see the horrible nightmare coming true. Our garden was flooded and so was our car, the water was just knocking at our door. My uncle, my sister and my cousin decided to leave the place. The water was still rising and I couldn't decide. How could you just leave everything behind. Was it the end of the world when you just want to save your life and forget about all the other materialistic things? My parents didn't leave but they made us go. The thought of not coming back to the place you call home or not seeing your parents again was heart wrenching. All I could do now was pray to Allah for their safety. As we were walking in the waist up flood water, all I could think of was first the water was very cold and why did I leave my parents behind, I'm such a coward. The water was rising and the situation was getting worse, there was no cellphone network. But atleast the landline worked, so we could call our parents back home to see how they are doing. Finally, they decided to leave and now I could have a sense of relief, also my sister would stop crying atleast. Some good boatman had rescued 'em and my uncle, aunt and cousin from the house nearby. The water level had now risen so high that boats were rowing on the airport road. I couldn't believe what i had been witnessing. I still thought it was a dream and someone would just pinch me and wake me up. We lived at my maasi's(maternal aunt) place for a week or so. Thankfully floods hadn't reached their side yet. Every other day we would hear heart wrenching news about people who were worst affected. After few days, the water level stopped rising and now it was receding. We went out with our uncle one evening and the view outside, it was really depressing as it didn't seem like Kashmir. So many people on the road, some taking shelter in the masjids, some gurdwaras, some on the flyover, some on the footpath, some in the marriage halls, some walking, some telling happy stories to their children trying to cheer them. Some places gave a chilling haunting creepy vibe. The floods took everything with it, lives of people, houses, materialistic things, happiness, peace, prosperity, progress. All it couldn't take away was the will to rise again from the ashes, the hope of a better tomorrow. In shaa Allah Kashmir will rise again. 4 months have passed and everything is slowly getting back to normal but the traces are there and the scars remain. The traumatic experience can't be erased and it'll always remind us that we and everthing we own belongs Allah SWT and He'll take it away anytime He wants.

Some clicks durin' the flood:

Just Rainwater

A ray of hope

 

Water at our doorstep

Water at our gate

Pre flood picture

A view from the top of a flood hit area

Love v/s Arrange Marriage !!!

Growing to a certain age where all your friends start gettin' engaged or married, people start askin' you pointless questions that are irrelevant to 'em, though it would help in the matter of gossip. One such question is "When are you gettin' married?", to which i used to say "Not Now" and now i say with a smile "Soon Enough". My ideology hasn't changed but i thought may be if i change my answer, they'll stop askin'. And once your elder sibling or close friend gets engaged you are the next target and they keep pointin' out the but obvious situation like "You're next". I don't want to get married so soon, not just because everyone's gettin' married. I haven't even accomplished things that i always wanted to, like learn to play guitar, roller-skatin', ride my own scooty etc. etc. after that i'll get married someday to someone who is man enough to take that chance ;). Movin' on to marriage, in India, esp. in Kashmir a very important question arises, "Arrange or Love marriage" just for the sake of the argument, "karte to sab arrange hi hain" (at the end of the day most of us prefer arrange marriages). Honestly i have so many things on mind right now that i don't know where to start, what to say. If you ask me i'd say "love after arrange" or "arrange after love" either works for me but does that happen, easy to say, difficult to happen. It's hard to find pure true unconditional love, yeah the movies are gettin' to me right, but i used to b'lieve in selfless love once.

So what are arrange marriages? When some uncle/aunty in their relation or friends circle arranges a good earnin' "khaandani"(from a good reputed family) groom/bride for their daughter/son. Not only uncles or aunties, we have special mediators known as "manzimyor" who has no idea about a certain family, keeps braggin' about 'em anyway, gets paid for no reason at all. Mostly, parents don't care about the compatibility of the individuals who actually have to spend their rest of life together, as for them it really isn't a big issue, the real big issue is families should match. One thing they make sure is that each individual should be a complete stranger to other, so while their children would just be figurin' out who how why and what's goin' on, viola they'll be engaged. Sometimes, its good, good surprizes, less you know about each other, the more you can know in the later part of your life, no borin', topic-less conversations. But sometimes, it turns out to be disastrous and you think you were better off alone. Your thinkin' doesn't match, your choices are too different, you arguements/discussions never end or worse you don't fall in love eventually, instead hatred begins to develop in later stages where you cannot even stand each other.

Movin' on to Love Marriages or say Choice Marriage, as the name suggests it's based on the choice of each individual, considered immoral, sometimes totally unacceptable by "society". I don't really get it, though, if parents choose some stranger for their child to marry, why can't they choose on their own. This way they'll know who how why and what's goin' on in their life before it's too late. Love marriage is a type where people get involved in relationships, promise to get married and finally they do. They know almost everythin' about each other, can handle the different choices(if some), they have an understandin' from the beginnin', can talk about everythin' and nothin' at all without gettin' uncomfortable. They stand by their partner, through sickness and in health(do they really, i highly doubt it). Personally, i don't think pure true unconditional love exists, and there is no guarantee in love marriages either, like about the hatred part, some people grow out of love eventually and one really can know another person when they live together. On a lighter note there's a well-known sayin' about love marriages "a known bhoot is better than an unknown ghost"

And so what did we conclude? Love or Arrange Marriage are both fine, a lil' bit of luck, and a bit compromise and not to expect too much from your future partner, would work just smooth. It's just a wrong notion that either of 'em is better than the other. "If you ask me, i wanted to fall in love with a person who loved me more, but i'd do nothin' about it, and pray that magically somehow somewhere that person and i get married". Guess my friend was right, i do live in a fairy tale world, ( i would prefer "Harry Potter" world ;). Marriage is a scary business, the thought of spendin' the rest of your life with someone is overwhelmin', although you can hope and pray for things to ease out. 

Note : Also please do check out the video about how arrange marriages are arranged in our society and have a lil' laugh :D What is an arrange marriage?

FIFA then and my LIFE now !!!

Four years ago, i never would've imagined my life as the way it is now, well who could have guessed. Everythin' that you dream of ever doesn't really happen, not everytime, so you gotta dream less i think. Expect less and get surprized by more, thats a fact which i am goin to prove wrong in the later part. Talk about FIFA World Cup i remember the last FIFA World Cup and last to last i.e. 8 years ago. I has just finished my class 12th (Higher Secondry) exams and was sort of preparin' for my AIEEE, well more like enjoyin' than studyin'. This thing i always hated in myself, after my pre-board exams i never took my studies seriously. Playin' with my career then and regrettin' about it now, yeah i know that i can do nothin' about that now. So where was i, yeah FIFA World Cup, i remember watchin' every match on national TV,  from openin' ceremony to closin', we didn't have cable/dish connection then (studies are more important). I remember Zidane head-buttin' an Italian player Materazzi, Zidane who retired after that World Cup i ended up likin' him ;) Although Germany was my fav. team, so many cute player ;) ;) But apart from cute players, i learned a lot about football back then, you know "technically". I had a dream of becomin' a sports journalist sometime so i wanted to be a know-it-all in sports so it would help me build up my future, well, so much for my stupid dreams *sigh*. So, the FIFA World Cup was over, and i switched from school to college. In the beginnin' college life sucked, i missed my school life, my friends, but then i made new friends, learned how to have fun, got used to the uniform eh. And days passed by, years, until the next FIFA World Cup which happened when i was pursuin' my masters(in the college of my nightmares) remember. This time it was altogether a different FIFA World Cup, there was paul the octopus, who died after sometime, strikes in Kashmir, addiction to facebook, makin my friends sing the FIFA World Cup songs. Gosh, it feels like yesterday when we were singin' to the tunes of "wavin' flag" by "K'naan" and goin' "waka waka africa", such hell of a disastrous "sur" that came out as a result. The time went by but the music remained in all our hearts, and i am sure if one of my rockin' friends still listen to that music sometime, it would bring back all the memories as it were just yesterday, we were so young energetic carefree and full of gratification. Now years have passed and FIFA World Cup is here again, but it's not the same anymore, i am not the same person and so isn't my life. I haven't watched a single match since its start, not even the openin' ceremony. Gone through various ups and downs, good as well as harsh experiences, it's just a matter of time when i'll go completely insane. Reality strikes you worse than lightnin', and you come to know everythin' you ever dreamt of were just dreams, like those fairy tales, or say castles in the air. Apart from my melodrama, and things from the past, it strikes me as odd that how much i have changed as a person. My rules, my principles, i don't follow no more. I have been on a constant drive to be unhappy for the rest of my life. So does the FIFA World Cup matter to me anymore? 

"Give me freedom, give me fire, give me reason, take me higher " -- K'Naan

Life as an adult !!!

On my way to the office, there's a stop in between where i swap buses so as to reach the office. One fine day i was walkin' towards my office and as usual had no mood to go there but a bit of happy feelin' that it was a Saturday (which means a half day for us ;) enough to keep me motivated. And like everyday i reached that stop and i heard the sumo(cab) driver yellin' "Jammu" as many time as he could so that the people who needed a ride to Jammu would hear him. Jammu is the winter capital of the place where i live, Kashmir. I used to ignore the yellin' everyday but this day was different, I don't know what but i felt like leavin' everythin' behind and get in that sumo and go as far as i could. I was mad at don't know what, and only thing that could cool me off was to run away to a place where no one would know my name, just travel as long as i could and reach as far as i could. Is this normal? Do people sometimes feel like to escape from this world? 

My maasi(maternal aunt) sometimes mocks me and calls me a hippie cause she thinks i don't care about the world, and live in my own world. At times i think it would be fun to be a hippie, not the drug addiction thing, no :P, the movin' anywhere to any place thing like a saint(sanyasi) without anythin' to care about in this materialistic world. Have you ever thought of gettin' lost so as to find yourself? What the hell am i talkin' about? I think i may be way too much influenced by the movie "Highway". I want to travel around the globe and not stop, I want to ride on the rooftop of a bus, I want to dance all night long with no one starin', I want to feel free, all for SOMETIME. 

Speakin' of freedom, marriage is hell of a responsibility, livin' a life that pleases others, whats fun in that !! I do want to get married sometimes inshaAllah but i'm happy Alhumdulilah that i no longer feel despo for gettin' married soon. When its time it would happen, and all the responsibility issues commitment issues, bein' a people pleaser, all would fall over my head in the blink of an eye, untill then i'm goin' to enjoy my super fine free life. Now its probably not a good post for my future hubby to read, but all i can say is that everyone at some point in their life wants freedom from things that have been botherin' 'em so much that it's hard to resist. I want freedom too, freedom from depressin' thoughts, freedom from the reel life, freedom from every lil' thing that keeps botherin' me, freedom from people who keep interferin'. i want to be independent, that's freedom for me. Things change, people change and the value/meanin' of freedom changes for 'em too. 
Tell you the truth i hate bein' an adult, all the stupid stress has made me an emotional fool. I never knew bein' an adult would be so insanely borin', lifeless, stressful, hectic, serious and at times broke. The thing that is keepin' me sane these days are the books, be it literature or fiction, makes me wander to places not remotely connected to reality. Can you imagine I've began to like General Knowledge too !! Have you ever wondered why it's hard to start a book but once you do there's no stoppin' you, i can read all day and all night after i cover a few pages...It reminds me i've to finish, no start actually another book, adventure plus fiction. So for now tchao !!!