Saturday, December 31, 2016

Confessions of an Internet addict !!!

So how long does a "writer's block" blocks your mind until your mind finally finds a way to escape? i have been trying so hard to write somethin' from the past months but i think there was some "locha" with my brain and heart as they were not workin' accordingly(like they are supposed to).

They say we leave this world just the way we came into it-  ALONE. So, if we do leave with nothing, what then is the measure of a life? Is it defined by the people we choose to love or who love us? Or is life simply measured by our accomplishments and achievements? Is it the places you have explored? Or the things you bought? Or is it just somethin' that is immaterial? We meet new people, we make new friends, sometimes we lose friends, and sometimes we get in touch with long lost friends, so this life is unpredictable. We say life is complicated but it's simple, sometimes we get to see the ugly side and sometimes it's beautiful. So what makes it beautiful is havin' by your side the people you love, but loneliness makes it ugly. 

 I have always been the kind of self-proclaimed independent person who doesn't need anyone. It has been 8 years or so since i joined the Internet. I used to feel free and confident about myself as i was fearless, happily livin' in my Harry Potter world. Nothin' or no one could ever affect me as i was livin' in a shell and nothin' could get through that. It takes great amount of courage, energy and time to build that and one cannot pass it just like that :P Not to brag or somethin' but i used to get a lot of attention online ;) and if you're a girl you'll get hit on by almost every guy you meet, online/offline, young/old and those who didn't hit on me became my very good friends. Luckily for me i became friends with common interests like tech-stuff, western music, hollywood movies, writers etc..and since i'm a very talkative person, i make friends easily. To be honest, there was a time in my life when i liked the attention but only thing that i didn't do was reciprocate back *pat on my back* (so proud of myself). Bein' into computers and stuff one gets stuck at times, so i thought my common interest friends would help me out, yes i am so mean that i make friends just so they can sort out my tech problems :P Anyhow with time passing by, you get so lost in the virtual world that you fail to see what you're missing out in the real world, your Family  and your Real Friends. I have been an Internet Addict and trust me when i say that the Virtual World is empty. It's unreal, overrated, time wasting and all you get from it is regrets, emptiness and sleepless nights. 
Sheldon and me are so much alike ;)

I had been feelin' very empty lately, lonely inside and i tried music, movies, stuff like that to keep myself busy but nothin' helped, it doesn't give you peace that you're lookin' for. You know i'm not really a religious person but if there is one thing that has given me inner peace is Islam. I have started covering my head and as opposed to some who say hijaab is a sign of oppression, it has given me peace, freedom and self confidence and i hope and pray that i continue doing it in Summer as well. Books help a lot, not those stupid romantic novels, books which help you find yourself, see life from a different perspective, Forty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak is one of those. I am currently reading this very good book "Reclaim Your Heart" by Yasmin Mogahed suggested by a righteous friend and it has helped me to understand a lot of things, as the name suggests "reclaim" your heart is about getting you heart back that has got lost in this materialistic world, let go of things that are not in your control. "Everything we get here is a gift of God, a gift to be kept in the hands not heart, only Allah belongs in the heart". This World is temporary and we keep looking for perfect things in this Duniya. However this duniya is designed to break our hearts so that we learn to depend upon our Creator than the creation. So people learn well and learn early, if there is one thing that is going to make you feel contended with this life is not to have expectations with this life, accept Allah's will, trust Him only and depend on Him only, talk to Him, He listens, cry to Him, tears are prayers too. Be good to people especially your parents, be thankful, be humble, and do good deeds for the sake of Allah, forgive people, be kind, everyone is fightin' a battle you know nothin' about. And towards the end i'd like to share somethin' from the book, think about it and work on it:
"This world cannot break you—unless you give it permission. And it cannot own you unless you hand it the keys—unless you give it your heart. And so, if you have handed those keys to dunya for a while—take them back. This isn’t the End. You don’t have to die here. Reclaim your heart and place it with its rightful owner: Allah

So what am i goin' to leave behind after i die is moments i spend with people and my writings, and this time, at the end of 2016 i'm not goin' to make any resolutions, but i'll strive and try to be a better daughter, sister, friend, a better person. also a better writer ;)
Always remember me in your prayers, they say the best and safest place to be is in someone's prayers.