Saturday, July 26, 2014

Love v/s Arrange Marriage !!!

Growing to a certain age where all your friends start gettin' engaged or married, people start askin' you pointless questions that are irrelevant to 'em, though it would help in the matter of gossip. One such question is "When are you gettin' married?", to which i used to say "Not Now" and now i say with a smile "Soon Enough". My ideology hasn't changed but i thought may be if i change my answer, they'll stop askin'. And once your elder sibling or close friend gets engaged you are the next target and they keep pointin' out the but obvious situation like "You're next". I don't want to get married so soon, not just because everyone's gettin' married. I haven't even accomplished things that i always wanted to, like learn to play guitar, roller-skatin', ride my own scooty etc. etc. after that i'll get married someday to someone who is man enough to take that chance ;). Movin' on to marriage, in India, esp. in Kashmir a very important question arises, "Arrange or Love marriage" just for the sake of the argument, "karte to sab arrange hi hain" (at the end of the day most of us prefer arrange marriages). Honestly i have so many things on mind right now that i don't know where to start, what to say. If you ask me i'd say "love after arrange" or "arrange after love" either works for me but does that happen, easy to say, difficult to happen. It's hard to find pure true unconditional love, yeah the movies are gettin' to me right, but i used to b'lieve in selfless love once.

So what are arrange marriages? When some uncle/aunty in their relation or friends circle arranges a good earnin' "khaandani"(from a good reputed family) groom/bride for their daughter/son. Not only uncles or aunties, we have special mediators known as "manzimyor" who has no idea about a certain family, keeps braggin' about 'em anyway, gets paid for no reason at all. Mostly, parents don't care about the compatibility of the individuals who actually have to spend their rest of life together, as for them it really isn't a big issue, the real big issue is families should match. One thing they make sure is that each individual should be a complete stranger to other, so while their children would just be figurin' out who how why and what's goin' on, viola they'll be engaged. Sometimes, its good, good surprizes, less you know about each other, the more you can know in the later part of your life, no borin', topic-less conversations. But sometimes, it turns out to be disastrous and you think you were better off alone. Your thinkin' doesn't match, your choices are too different, you arguements/discussions never end or worse you don't fall in love eventually, instead hatred begins to develop in later stages where you cannot even stand each other.

Movin' on to Love Marriages or say Choice Marriage, as the name suggests it's based on the choice of each individual, considered immoral, sometimes totally unacceptable by "society". I don't really get it, though, if parents choose some stranger for their child to marry, why can't they choose on their own. This way they'll know who how why and what's goin' on in their life before it's too late. Love marriage is a type where people get involved in relationships, promise to get married and finally they do. They know almost everythin' about each other, can handle the different choices(if some), they have an understandin' from the beginnin', can talk about everythin' and nothin' at all without gettin' uncomfortable. They stand by their partner, through sickness and in health(do they really, i highly doubt it). Personally, i don't think pure true unconditional love exists, and there is no guarantee in love marriages either, like about the hatred part, some people grow out of love eventually and one really can know another person when they live together. On a lighter note there's a well-known sayin' about love marriages "a known bhoot is better than an unknown ghost"

And so what did we conclude? Love or Arrange Marriage are both fine, a lil' bit of luck, and a bit compromise and not to expect too much from your future partner, would work just smooth. It's just a wrong notion that either of 'em is better than the other. "If you ask me, i wanted to fall in love with a person who loved me more, but i'd do nothin' about it, and pray that magically somehow somewhere that person and i get married". Guess my friend was right, i do live in a fairy tale world, ( i would prefer "Harry Potter" world ;). Marriage is a scary business, the thought of spendin' the rest of your life with someone is overwhelmin', although you can hope and pray for things to ease out. 

Note : Also please do check out the video about how arrange marriages are arranged in our society and have a lil' laugh :D What is an arrange marriage?