Love v/s Arrange Marriage !!!

Growing to a certain age where all your friends start gettin' engaged or married, people start askin' you pointless questions that are irrelevant to 'em, though it would help in the matter of gossip. One such question is "When are you gettin' married?", to which i used to say "Not Now" and now i say with a smile "Soon Enough". My ideology hasn't changed but i thought may be if i change my answer, they'll stop askin'. And once your elder sibling or close friend gets engaged you are the next target and they keep pointin' out the but obvious situation like "You're next". I don't want to get married so soon, not just because everyone's gettin' married. I haven't even accomplished things that i always wanted to, like learn to play guitar, roller-skatin', ride my own scooty etc. etc. after that i'll get married someday to someone who is man enough to take that chance ;). Movin' on to marriage, in India, esp. in Kashmir a very important question arises, "Arrange or Love marriage" just for the sake of the argument, "karte to sab arrange hi hain" (at the end of the day most of us prefer arrange marriages). Honestly i have so many things on mind right now that i don't know where to start, what to say. If you ask me i'd say "love after arrange" or "arrange after love" either works for me but does that happen, easy to say, difficult to happen. It's hard to find pure true unconditional love, yeah the movies are gettin' to me right, but i used to b'lieve in selfless love once.

So what are arrange marriages? When some uncle/aunty in their relation or friends circle arranges a good earnin' "khaandani"(from a good reputed family) groom/bride for their daughter/son. Not only uncles or aunties, we have special mediators known as "manzimyor" who has no idea about a certain family, keeps braggin' about 'em anyway, gets paid for no reason at all. Mostly, parents don't care about the compatibility of the individuals who actually have to spend their rest of life together, as for them it really isn't a big issue, the real big issue is families should match. One thing they make sure is that each individual should be a complete stranger to other, so while their children would just be figurin' out who how why and what's goin' on, viola they'll be engaged. Sometimes, its good, good surprizes, less you know about each other, the more you can know in the later part of your life, no borin', topic-less conversations. But sometimes, it turns out to be disastrous and you think you were better off alone. Your thinkin' doesn't match, your choices are too different, you arguements/discussions never end or worse you don't fall in love eventually, instead hatred begins to develop in later stages where you cannot even stand each other.

Movin' on to Love Marriages or say Choice Marriage, as the name suggests it's based on the choice of each individual, considered immoral, sometimes totally unacceptable by "society". I don't really get it, though, if parents choose some stranger for their child to marry, why can't they choose on their own. This way they'll know who how why and what's goin' on in their life before it's too late. Love marriage is a type where people get involved in relationships, promise to get married and finally they do. They know almost everythin' about each other, can handle the different choices(if some), they have an understandin' from the beginnin', can talk about everythin' and nothin' at all without gettin' uncomfortable. They stand by their partner, through sickness and in health(do they really, i highly doubt it). Personally, i don't think pure true unconditional love exists, and there is no guarantee in love marriages either, like about the hatred part, some people grow out of love eventually and one really can know another person when they live together. On a lighter note there's a well-known sayin' about love marriages "a known bhoot is better than an unknown ghost"

And so what did we conclude? Love or Arrange Marriage are both fine, a lil' bit of luck, and a bit compromise and not to expect too much from your future partner, would work just smooth. It's just a wrong notion that either of 'em is better than the other. "If you ask me, i wanted to fall in love with a person who loved me more, but i'd do nothin' about it, and pray that magically somehow somewhere that person and i get married". Guess my friend was right, i do live in a fairy tale world, ( i would prefer "Harry Potter" world ;). Marriage is a scary business, the thought of spendin' the rest of your life with someone is overwhelmin', although you can hope and pray for things to ease out. 

Note : Also please do check out the video about how arrange marriages are arranged in our society and have a lil' laugh :D What is an arrange marriage?

Working Women vs. Housewives, an unavoidable debate !!!

Should women be working or stay at home? Always the kind of debate i try to avoid for so many reasons, firstly i respect both, so if i say anything in favour of working women, it would go against the non working and secondly i am not able put my word across in a better agreeable way, so to some it doesn't matter what i say or do. 

It always starts with "Why do you want to be independent(financially)"? and i am always like "Why not? Did i pursue my higher qualifications just to be at home. Did my parents just raise me to get married and have kids? Wouldn't it be a huge waste of the investment made by my parents on my education? Could i not be a helping hand like the "son"? If that was the case i shouldn't have studied so much, should have studied till 12th and get married as soon as school was over. Somebody should've warned me that i have to study well but not get my hopes high, be an aimless person and don't dream too much. Because in the end you are going to get married and be a housewife. You don't need computers to be a good housewife, you need to be a little bit educated, have cooking skills, and other things. ".

I conducted a survey on whatsapp and i asked some of my friends the same question. Mostly, people said they would prefer working, as their mother or aunties have been working and and they don't think working moms are careless or irresponsible. On the other hand, people whose mother or aunts are housewives supported housewives. This mindset that housewives are better than working woman, and can build a home or a child's future in better way is actually the outcome of how things are from their side.

A housewife's life is difficult, I agree, though she enjoys the luxuries of being at home, while as a working woman has to face many challenges. A housewife can look after her family in a more effective way. She is there 24/7 for her kids and family. She gets to decorate and redecorate her house, she takes up new hobbies and learns new skills. And then there are voluntary housewives and forced housewives, voluntary housewives: mostly not educated or less educated, rarely high qualified. Forced housewives: who want to work but can't, sometimes because her family/husband won't allow, and sometimes because she didn't get a good job.

A working woman on the other hand is independent, not a liability, has a sense of security and self-respect (some consider that ego). Moreover, she has to balance her work at office and at home, so much hard-work and struggle that she has to do to reach the top. To be the best mom for her kids,  a good wife to her husband and a good daughter-in-law, at the same time maintaining her professional career. Its amazing to see how she can do everything without complaining. How do i know this, my mom is a working lady too. She has done her best to maintain the balance and we grew up well. She took care of everything we wanted and she is always there whenever we need her. She taught us to be a good human and do the right thing. She is my inspiration and i am so proud of her. 

Some say kids of working women don't get the right kind of care, say their house isn't perfect(but i turned out to be okay i think, right?;). Actually it all depends on how well a girl has been groomed, a housewife can make or break a home and so can a working lady. Therefore, don't think what people say, as sometimes you'll be criticized, sometimes praised and sometimes hated for what you do, good or bad deeds, people are always going to talk. At the end of the day you don't have to be answerable to anyone but Almighty so follow your heart, live your dreams and do the right things. And it doesn't matter if she is a housewife or a working lady, both are good homemaker in their own ways. #Respect for both!!!