Saturday, July 26, 2014

Love v/s Arrange Marriage !!!

Growing to a certain age where all your friends start gettin' engaged or married, people start askin' you pointless questions that are irrelevant to 'em, though it would help in the matter of gossip. One such question is "When are you gettin' married?", to which i used to say "Not Now" and now i say with a smile "Soon Enough". My ideology hasn't changed but i thought may be if i change my answer, they'll stop askin'. And once your elder sibling or close friend gets engaged you are the next target and they keep pointin' out the but obvious situation like "You're next". I don't want to get married so soon, not just because everyone's gettin' married. I haven't even accomplished things that i always wanted to, like learn to play guitar, roller-skatin', ride my own scooty etc. etc. after that i'll get married someday to someone who is man enough to take that chance ;). Movin' on to marriage, in India, esp. in Kashmir a very important question arises, "Arrange or Love marriage" just for the sake of the argument, "karte to sab arrange hi hain" (at the end of the day most of us prefer arrange marriages). Honestly i have so many things on mind right now that i don't know where to start, what to say. If you ask me i'd say "love after arrange" or "arrange after love" either works for me but does that happen, easy to say, difficult to happen. It's hard to find pure true unconditional love, yeah the movies are gettin' to me right, but i used to b'lieve in selfless love once.

So what are arrange marriages? When some uncle/aunty in their relation or friends circle arranges a good earnin' "khaandani"(from a good reputed family) groom/bride for their daughter/son. Not only uncles or aunties, we have special mediators known as "manzimyor" who has no idea about a certain family, keeps braggin' about 'em anyway, gets paid for no reason at all. Mostly, parents don't care about the compatibility of the individuals who actually have to spend their rest of life together, as for them it really isn't a big issue, the real big issue is families should match. One thing they make sure is that each individual should be a complete stranger to other, so while their children would just be figurin' out who how why and what's goin' on, viola they'll be engaged. Sometimes, its good, good surprizes, less you know about each other, the more you can know in the later part of your life, no borin', topic-less conversations. But sometimes, it turns out to be disastrous and you think you were better off alone. Your thinkin' doesn't match, your choices are too different, you arguements/discussions never end or worse you don't fall in love eventually, instead hatred begins to develop in later stages where you cannot even stand each other.

Movin' on to Love Marriages or say Choice Marriage, as the name suggests it's based on the choice of each individual, considered immoral, sometimes totally unacceptable by "society". I don't really get it, though, if parents choose some stranger for their child to marry, why can't they choose on their own. This way they'll know who how why and what's goin' on in their life before it's too late. Love marriage is a type where people get involved in relationships, promise to get married and finally they do. They know almost everythin' about each other, can handle the different choices(if some), they have an understandin' from the beginnin', can talk about everythin' and nothin' at all without gettin' uncomfortable. They stand by their partner, through sickness and in health(do they really, i highly doubt it). Personally, i don't think pure true unconditional love exists, and there is no guarantee in love marriages either, like about the hatred part, some people grow out of love eventually and one really can know another person when they live together. On a lighter note there's a well-known sayin' about love marriages "a known bhoot is better than an unknown ghost"

And so what did we conclude? Love or Arrange Marriage are both fine, a lil' bit of luck, and a bit compromise and not to expect too much from your future partner, would work just smooth. It's just a wrong notion that either of 'em is better than the other. "If you ask me, i wanted to fall in love with a person who loved me more, but i'd do nothin' about it, and pray that magically somehow somewhere that person and i get married". Guess my friend was right, i do live in a fairy tale world, ( i would prefer "Harry Potter" world ;). Marriage is a scary business, the thought of spendin' the rest of your life with someone is overwhelmin', although you can hope and pray for things to ease out. 

Note : Also please do check out the video about how arrange marriages are arranged in our society and have a lil' laugh :D What is an arrange marriage?

Monday, June 30, 2014

FIFA then and my LIFE now !!!

Four years ago, i never would've imagined my life as the way it is now, well who could have guessed. Everythin' that you dream of ever doesn't really happen, not everytime, so you gotta dream less i think. Expect less and get surprized by more, thats a fact which i am goin to prove wrong in the later part. Talk about FIFA World Cup i remember the last FIFA World Cup and last to last i.e. 8 years ago. I has just finished my class 12th (Higher Secondry) exams and was sort of preparin' for my AIEEE, well more like enjoyin' than studyin'. This thing i always hated in myself, after my pre-board exams i never took my studies seriously. Playin' with my career then and regrettin' about it now, yeah i know that i can do nothin' about that now. So where was i, yeah FIFA World Cup, i remember watchin' every match on national TV,  from openin' ceremony to closin', we didn't have cable/dish connection then (studies are more important). I remember Zidane head-buttin' an Italian player Materazzi, Zidane who retired after that World Cup i ended up likin' him ;) Although Germany was my fav. team, so many cute player ;) ;) But apart from cute players, i learned a lot about football back then, you know "technically". I had a dream of becomin' a sports journalist sometime so i wanted to be a know-it-all in sports so it would help me build up my future, well, so much for my stupid dreams *sigh*. So, the FIFA World Cup was over, and i switched from school to college. In the beginnin' college life sucked, i missed my school life, my friends, but then i made new friends, learned how to have fun, got used to the uniform eh. And days passed by, years, until the next FIFA World Cup which happened when i was pursuin' my masters(in the college of my nightmares) remember. This time it was altogether a different FIFA World Cup, there was paul the octopus, who died after sometime, strikes in Kashmir, addiction to facebook, makin my friends sing the FIFA World Cup songs. Gosh, it feels like yesterday when we were singin' to the tunes of "wavin' flag" by "K'naan" and goin' "waka waka africa", such hell of a disastrous "sur" that came out as a result. The time went by but the music remained in all our hearts, and i am sure if one of my rockin' friends still listen to that music sometime, it would bring back all the memories as it were just yesterday, we were so young energetic carefree and full of gratification. Now years have passed and FIFA World Cup is here again, but it's not the same anymore, i am not the same person and so isn't my life. I haven't watched a single match since its start, not even the openin' ceremony. Gone through various ups and downs, good as well as harsh experiences, it's just a matter of time when i'll go completely insane. Reality strikes you worse than lightnin', and you come to know everythin' you ever dreamt of were just dreams, like those fairy tales, or say castles in the air. Apart from my melodrama, and things from the past, it strikes me as odd that how much i have changed as a person. My rules, my principles, i don't follow no more. I have been on a constant drive to be unhappy for the rest of my life. So does the FIFA World Cup matter to me anymore? 

"Give me freedom, give me fire, give me reason, take me higher " -- K'Naan

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Life as an adult !!!

On my way to the office, there's a stop in between where i swap buses so as to reach the office. One fine day i was walkin' towards my office and as usual had no mood to go there but a bit of happy feelin' that it was a Saturday (which means a half day for us ;) enough to keep me motivated. And like everyday i reached that stop and i heard the sumo(cab) driver yellin' "Jammu" as many time as he could so that the people who needed a ride to Jammu would hear him. Jammu is the winter capital of the place where i live, Kashmir. I used to ignore the yellin' everyday but this day was different, I don't know what but i felt like leavin' everythin' behind and get in that sumo and go as far as i could. I was mad at don't know what, and only thing that could cool me off was to run away to a place where no one would know my name, just travel as long as i could and reach as far as i could. Is this normal? Do people sometimes feel like to escape from this world? 
My maasi(maternal aunt) sometimes mocks me and calls me a hippie cause she thinks i don't care about the world, and live in my own world. At times i think it would be fun to be a hippie, not the drug addiction thing, no :P, the movin' anywhere to any place thing like a saint(sanyasi) without anythin' to care about in this materialistic world. Have you ever thought of gettin' lost so as to find yourself? What the hell am i talkin' about? I think i may be way too much influenced by the movie "Highway". I want to travel around the globe and not stop, I want to ride on the rooftop of a bus, I want to dance all night long with no one starin', I want to feel free, all for SOMETIME. 
Speakin' of freedom, marriage is hell of a responsibility, livin' a life that pleases others, whats fun in that !! I do want to get married sometimes inshaAllah but i'm happy Alhumdulilah that i no longer feel despo for gettin' married soon. When its time it would happen, and all the responsibility issues commitment issues, bein' a people pleaser, all would fall over my head in the blink of an eye, untill then i'm goin' to enjoy my super fine free life. Now its probably not a good post for my future hubby to read, but all i can say is that everyone at some point in their life wants freedom from things that have been botherin' 'em so much that it's hard to resist. I want freedom too, freedom from depressin' thoughts, freedom from the reel life, freedom from every lil' thing that keeps botherin' me, freedom from people who keep interferin'. i want to be independent, that's freedom for me. Things change, people change and the value/meanin' of freedom changes for 'em too. 
Tell you the truth i hate bein' an adult, all the stupid stress has made me an emotional fool. I never knew bein' an adult would be so insanely borin', lifeless, stressful, hectic, serious and at times broke. The thing that is keepin' me sane these days are the books, be it literature or fiction, makes me wander to places not remotely connected to reality. Can you imagine I've began to like General Knowledge too !! Have you ever wondered why it's hard to start a book but once you do there's no stoppin' you, i can read all day and all night after i cover a few pages...It reminds me i've to finish, no start actually another book, adventure plus fiction. So for now tchao !!! 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Something Good outta the Blue !!

Now you must be really tired of my depressing posts, so here i thought lets try to somethin' else. Random thoughts, may be, good things in life mostly !! I will try to write positive things in life 'cause I am positive/cheerful person  ;) Now where do i begin? Not long time ago, say a year and a half ago when i finished my major in Computer Science. I was desperately searchin' for a job, just a job, any job would do to keep myself  busy. I thought my degree was no use without a job, so puttin' my knowledge to practical use seemed difficult. And finally one day, i got a job, a job that i liked. I was excited too much. To be busy, to be independent was the dream, you know, I will always remember my first job, my first salary. I learned a lot, loved my work and had fun at the same time. What it is to be like a professional and team work matters, I learned how important it is to keep yourself updated of the latest technologies. I improved as a writer and came to know about my technical skills as a web designer. Only after 3 months I was ready for a new job but i didn't want to switch so early. So after 7 months or so i switched to another. I wanted to enhance skills and explore myself more in the technical field. The next job was good too, i liked my work, got appreciated for it and i liked the location of my workplace. Every mornin' i felt happy, and on my way to the workplace i always used to check a clock through the glass window of an old man's shop which made me feel like i'm not alone.

Just few weeks back, actually a month or two, i got another job, it was sort of compensation to what i was really aimin' for, a counter offer which i accepted (now i feel like i sold my soul to the devil ;) JK. :P It is more secure than the previous ones but hectic at the same time, plus i don't like the work. It isn't in anyway related to my subject first of all, anyone who can speak good Kashmiri (my mother tongue) can do it and bein' a Kashmiri i can't speak my native language fluently. So i have a big time communication problem with people. I feel lonely sometimes, like i've lost my voice among people who don't understand me a bit, somethin' is missin'. For now, i have to get better at my present job and find myself another at the same time. But would i be able to get what i am lookin' for? I am beginnin' to think Teacher as a career option, my mum was one and she inspires me. Too many corporations makes one professional yet anti-social. Although i am gettin' adjusted in the new work place, to think of it as a long term career makes me wanna kill myself. Sometimes i wish i get a job where i love to work, i have alternate holidays and pretty good salary, that's just some lame wish to get out of my routine hectic life, but it wouldn't hurt if it's gonna be true !! ;)

Like the career thing wasn't enough, all of a sudden you reach an age where everyone's gettin' married and even though i am not a huge fan of "marriage", sometimes i feel like too. "May be it solves all the puzzles in my life", is what i think but in reality marriage is not the solution to all your problems. I hate when people ask me when am i gettin' married, why they are so concerned, i can never tell. One thing that i have accepted is that i am emotional, not a fool though. Lettin' your emotions take over you isn't foolish at times, it helps you to see things from a different perspective. There was a time when i never wanted to get married, may be i have changed, may be i need a new adventure.

There is one most important thing that i have realized so far, i.e. you ignore many things in life that makes you happy. You forget there are a lot of things that you've been blessed with and others not, so shouldn't you be thankful for what you have. There are people who wish to have a life like you do, they are stronger than you and face difficulties much harsher than you. So, whenever i feel my life sucks i think about 'em and i see they don't whine or complain on petty matters like we do even if they are deprived of the most basic things in life. All these thoughts i had to pen down to keep a reminding myself whenever i feel distressed. Much needed break that made me rediscover myself. I will be the same cheerful girl that i used to be 'cause I have so many things to be happy for. I have a job, I am a busy and independent girl, no more askin' pocket money from my parents or my didz. I get Saturdays half days and have gazetted holidays. I have family who loves me for who i am, adorable friends who support me and are always there for me. I am happy that i got so much experience in a year, met so many good people, got identified and appreciated for my work by my bosses. Hoping the same in future !!!

Friday, January 31, 2014

Do people really love their "job" ?!?

Call me indecisive or a whiner but i'm always eager to to try new things, and i don't think experimentin' with your life is wrong. How would you know whether a job is well suited for you if you are not satisfied, not even at peace with yourself, unless, you have a definite goal, an aim in life and likin' towards a profession, a profession you think you would be perrrfect for. One should always love their job, enjoy at the workplace and not be like stuck in a jail for 8 hrs or so or even hate the work as a matter of fact. Finding a job you love with good enough salary is too hard to find in today's era, not to mention the place where i live. I have been into 3 jobs since last year and still i have not been able to quench my thirst. Its not only about the money, may be only a bit about the money. For instance if i get a job i like, i don't get the good money for it. On the other hand, if i get a job i don't like, the salary is good, i have to do it. The reason is that we study well enough to get a job which pays enough money...But at the same time i want a job that gives me inner peace, a job that will help me find myself. Is it too much to ask? 
I miss my prev. work and the workplaces, fun with work. i miss the bosses too, esp. my first workplace.They showed me a path and i'm really thankful to what i have learnt because of 'em !!! #Respect. I don't know what i am lookin' for, but i am definitely not at the right place. i feel so lost, don't even know what i am doin' with my life right now!!! I have been thinkin' may be there are people in this world who really love their job, or may be my job isn't so lousy after all. I just need to find the job i love, truly, which is almost impossible considerin' i want a job where i love to work, the environment, work culture, plus a job that i love to do. Moreover, i want alternate holidays in a week with good salary. Would i find a job like that ever ?