Love v/s Arrange Marriage !!!

Growing to a certain age where all your friends start gettin' engaged or married, people start askin' you pointless questions that are irrelevant to 'em, though it would help in the matter of gossip. One such question is "When are you gettin' married?", to which i used to say "Not Now" and now i say with a smile "Soon Enough". My ideology hasn't changed but i thought may be if i change my answer, they'll stop askin'. And once your elder sibling or close friend gets engaged you are the next target and they keep pointin' out the but obvious situation like "You're next". I don't want to get married so soon, not just because everyone's gettin' married. I haven't even accomplished things that i always wanted to, like learn to play guitar, roller-skatin', ride my own scooty etc. etc. after that i'll get married someday to someone who is man enough to take that chance ;). Movin' on to marriage, in India, esp. in Kashmir a very important question arises, "Arrange or Love marriage" just for the sake of the argument, "karte to sab arrange hi hain" (at the end of the day most of us prefer arrange marriages). Honestly i have so many things on mind right now that i don't know where to start, what to say. If you ask me i'd say "love after arrange" or "arrange after love" either works for me but does that happen, easy to say, difficult to happen. It's hard to find pure true unconditional love, yeah the movies are gettin' to me right, but i used to b'lieve in selfless love once.

So what are arrange marriages? When some uncle/aunty in their relation or friends circle arranges a good earnin' "khaandani"(from a good reputed family) groom/bride for their daughter/son. Not only uncles or aunties, we have special mediators known as "manzimyor" who has no idea about a certain family, keeps braggin' about 'em anyway, gets paid for no reason at all. Mostly, parents don't care about the compatibility of the individuals who actually have to spend their rest of life together, as for them it really isn't a big issue, the real big issue is families should match. One thing they make sure is that each individual should be a complete stranger to other, so while their children would just be figurin' out who how why and what's goin' on, viola they'll be engaged. Sometimes, its good, good surprizes, less you know about each other, the more you can know in the later part of your life, no borin', topic-less conversations. But sometimes, it turns out to be disastrous and you think you were better off alone. Your thinkin' doesn't match, your choices are too different, you arguements/discussions never end or worse you don't fall in love eventually, instead hatred begins to develop in later stages where you cannot even stand each other.

Movin' on to Love Marriages or say Choice Marriage, as the name suggests it's based on the choice of each individual, considered immoral, sometimes totally unacceptable by "society". I don't really get it, though, if parents choose some stranger for their child to marry, why can't they choose on their own. This way they'll know who how why and what's goin' on in their life before it's too late. Love marriage is a type where people get involved in relationships, promise to get married and finally they do. They know almost everythin' about each other, can handle the different choices(if some), they have an understandin' from the beginnin', can talk about everythin' and nothin' at all without gettin' uncomfortable. They stand by their partner, through sickness and in health(do they really, i highly doubt it). Personally, i don't think pure true unconditional love exists, and there is no guarantee in love marriages either, like about the hatred part, some people grow out of love eventually and one really can know another person when they live together. On a lighter note there's a well-known sayin' about love marriages "a known bhoot is better than an unknown ghost"

And so what did we conclude? Love or Arrange Marriage are both fine, a lil' bit of luck, and a bit compromise and not to expect too much from your future partner, would work just smooth. It's just a wrong notion that either of 'em is better than the other. "If you ask me, i wanted to fall in love with a person who loved me more, but i'd do nothin' about it, and pray that magically somehow somewhere that person and i get married". Guess my friend was right, i do live in a fairy tale world, ( i would prefer "Harry Potter" world ;). Marriage is a scary business, the thought of spendin' the rest of your life with someone is overwhelmin', although you can hope and pray for things to ease out. 

Note : Also please do check out the video about how arrange marriages are arranged in our society and have a lil' laugh :D What is an arrange marriage?

Something Good outta the Blue !!

Now you must be really tired of my depressing posts, so here i thought lets try to somethin' else. Random thoughts, may be, good things in life mostly !! I will try to write positive things in life 'cause I am positive/cheerful person  ;) Now where do i begin? Not long time ago, say a year and a half ago when i finished my major in Computer Science. I was desperately searchin' for a job, just a job, any job would do to keep myself  busy. I thought my degree was no use without a job, so puttin' my knowledge to practical use seemed difficult. And finally one day, i got a job, a job that i liked. I was excited too much. To be busy, to be independent was the dream, you know, I will always remember my first job, my first salary. I learned a lot, loved my work and had fun at the same time. What it is to be like a professional and team work matters, I learned how important it is to keep yourself updated of the latest technologies. I improved as a writer and came to know about my technical skills as a web designer. Only after 3 months I was ready for a new job but i didn't want to switch so early. So after 7 months or so i switched to another. I wanted to enhance skills and explore myself more in the technical field. The next job was good too, i liked my work, got appreciated for it and i liked the location of my workplace. Every mornin' i felt happy, and on my way to the workplace i always used to check a clock through the glass window of an old man's shop which made me feel like i'm not alone.

Just few weeks back, actually a month or two, i got another job, it was sort of compensation to what i was really aimin' for, a counter offer which i accepted (now i feel like i sold my soul to the devil ;) JK. :P It is more secure than the previous ones but hectic at the same time, plus i don't like the work. It isn't in anyway related to my subject first of all, anyone who can speak good Kashmiri (my mother tongue) can do it and bein' a Kashmiri i can't speak my native language fluently. So i have a big time communication problem with people. I feel lonely sometimes, like i've lost my voice among people who don't understand me a bit, somethin' is missin'. For now, i have to get better at my present job and find myself another at the same time. But would i be able to get what i am lookin' for? I am beginnin' to think Teacher as a career option, my mum was one and she inspires me. Too many corporations makes one professional yet anti-social. Although i am gettin' adjusted in the new work place, to think of it as a long term career makes me wanna kill myself. Sometimes i wish i get a job where i love to work, i have alternate holidays and pretty good salary, that's just some lame wish to get out of my routine hectic life, but it wouldn't hurt if it's gonna be true !! ;)

Like the career thing wasn't enough, all of a sudden you reach an age where everyone's gettin' married and even though i am not a huge fan of "marriage", sometimes i feel like too. "May be it solves all the puzzles in my life", is what i think but in reality marriage is not the solution to all your problems. I hate when people ask me when am i gettin' married, why they are so concerned, i can never tell. One thing that i have accepted is that i am emotional, not a fool though. Lettin' your emotions take over you isn't foolish at times, it helps you to see things from a different perspective. There was a time when i never wanted to get married, may be i have changed, may be i need a new adventure.

There is one most important thing that i have realized so far, i.e. you ignore many things in life that makes you happy. You forget there are a lot of things that you've been blessed with and others not, so shouldn't you be thankful for what you have. There are people who wish to have a life like you do, they are stronger than you and face difficulties much harsher than you. So, whenever i feel my life sucks i think about 'em and i see they don't whine or complain on petty matters like we do even if they are deprived of the most basic things in life. All these thoughts i had to pen down to keep a reminding myself whenever i feel distressed. Much needed break that made me rediscover myself. I will be the same cheerful girl that i used to be 'cause I have so many things to be happy for. I have a job, I am a busy and independent girl, no more askin' pocket money from my parents or my didz. I get Saturdays half days and have gazetted holidays. I have family who loves me for who i am, adorable friends who support me and are always there for me. I am happy that i got so much experience in a year, met so many good people, got identified and appreciated for my work by my bosses. Hoping the same in future !!!